3 Family Dynamics that Killed Your Creativity as a Child
A child’s capacity for creativity is unbridled. So much so that as adults, we often look to children for inspiration on how to be creative, open minded, and imaginative. But what happens to children whose creativity is not greeted with respect or is in some way inhibited by born-into circumstances? It is likely that those children grow up to suppress their creative impulses (often subconsciously), and carry within them the false belief that their creative talents are somehow a negative trait or simply not worthy of exploration. Decades of suppression, particularly in those who demonstrated early creative gifts, can lead to major life impediments, including depression, anxiety, or even substance abuse. Could a premature stifling of your own creative talents be the source of discomfort, low self-worth, or lack of direction in your own life? I’ve identified 3 Family Dynamics that Killed Your Creativity as a Child to help you stop blaming yourself and reclaim your gifts once and for all. Each dynamic will be balanced with practical action steps you can take to counter this negative programming and find out what you’ve been missing! Family Dynamic 1: The Anti-Creative Parent While most parents make an effort to encourage their children to be creative, or at least allow space for it to be explored, some may not be supportive at all, and in extreme cases may even punish their children who show signs of creative talent. This may be especially true for children whose creative talents exist outside of societal gender norms or those whose parent(s) are themselves repressed creatives (envy is a key sign) or have a narcissistic personality Growing up with this family dynamic may have meant your parent disrespected your creativity, either by expecting perfection or by punishing flickers of talent. Others may have experienced an overbearing emphasis on things other than creativity such as studying, analytical skills, religion, or cleanliness, leaving little room for you to explore and expand your creative talents or learn by making mistakes. This type of environment perpetuates the following negative programming: MY CREATIVITY HAS NO VALUE. The Antidote: Re-parenting yourself is key! Now that you are an adult, your job is to parent yourself the way you always wished you had been. This means giving yourself the things your parent(s) did not and doing it with all the love, compassion, and tenderness that you can muster. Here are two ways to counter the programming of an Anti-Creative Parent: Give yourself time to play. Whether it is a coloring book, strumming a guitar, or playing with PlayDoh, let your inner child have all the time they need to explore things that interest them. Extra Tip: Take note of how you feel before and after your play session in a journal so you can truly see for yourself the value it has for improving your mood and lifting your spirit. Treat your creative work with the utmost respect. A critical voice is usually the voice of someone else, and if you had an Anti-Creative Parent, you are likely unconsciously repeating things you heard them (or others) tell you growing up. Set the intention before a creative session not to judge your work. Instead affirm that you are a beginner and must crawl before you walk and that is perfectly okay. Extra Tip: Proudly place your work somewhere afterwards or reward yourself for your efforts in a healthy way. It takes a lot of courage to try something for the first time (or the first time in a very long time). Family Dynamic 2: Creative Lack Due to Childhood Poverty According to Children Incorporated, 21% of American children live below the poverty threshold, and anyone who has explored a creative pursuit knows it can be an expensive hobby. Burgeoning visual artists and musicians who did not grow up with means, or live in places where arts programs were available or properly funded, may have faced the harsh reality that their parent (even if supportive) simply could not afford to feed their creative impulses. Growing up within this dynamic makes it hard to justify spending money on your creativity, even as an adult. Instead, creative pursuits may be viewed as impractical and frivolous, in comparison to endeavors that might yield higher financial returns like finding gainful employment or pursuing a financially lucrative education program. This type of environment perpetuates the following negative programming: MY CREATIVITY IS A BURDEN. The Antidote: Even if your economic circumstances have improved since childhood and you are in a position to fund your own creative efforts, you may experience great resistance to doing so. Below are couple ideas for pushing back against your past and creating an abundance of creative opportunities in your life. Artist Dates Creativity Coach Julia Cameron, describes a practice in her essential book The Artist’s Way, called Artist Dates. To do this, you will take yourself on an excursion that places emphasis on your creativity. It could be a walk through a museum, listening to live music at a local restaurant, or a visit to the library to check out books relating to your chosen creative path. Extra Tip: Artist dates are intended to be taken solo, so you can revel in the experience without needing to entertain anyone else. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to not feel rushed. Invest in Yourself If possible, consider dropping some money on your creative interests. It could be something as simple as a pack of crayons and a coloring book or signing up for a local writing course. Allow yourself to feel the freedom of investing in yourself and being able to make your interests a priority. Extra Tip: While there are many “free” opportunities available, the intention here is to spend money so you truly feel the weight of that investment and can start exploring your feeling of worthiness (or lack of it) related to this. Journal how it felt to make that investment in yourself. Family Dynamic 3: The Spotlight Stealing Sibling Comparison is …
Read more “3 Family Dynamics that Killed Your Creativity as a Child”
