The Deadly Cost of Creative Repression

by Amanda StoneCreativity, InspirationPosted on No Comments

As artists at heart, we have a creative desire that burn within us, but society (and even our own families) can send us negative messages about expressing those desires that encourage us to repress our natural creative impulses. Whether well-intentioned or malicious, this repression of creative energy can be deadly, or at best lead to substance abuse, depression, or anxiety (like it did for me). To make sense of what is happening when we repress our creativity, I was shown an inspired image (which I painted) of a fire-filled cave called, The Cave of Internal Desire. The flames of this cave represent our creative energy, passionate and burning wildly. Because of external and internal pressures we sometimes get stuck in The Cave and it can start to become toxic. In this article, we’ll explore the metaphor of The Cave of Internal Desire: why we get stuck in the cave, what happens when we stay too long, and how to get out of the cave and into alignment with our creative truth. What is the Cave of Internal Desire (really)? As I meditated on The Cave of Internal Desire, I learned that at its core, The Cave is a trial that we must endure as creatives in order to reach our Truth and our authentic way of being. It’s a portal that we must pass through, but if we stay in the cave too long, we can start to burn. Why Do We Get Burnt in the Cave? We get burnt in the cave because we are never intended to stay in the cave. We usually stay there because we are afraid to leave, afraid to step out, and afraid to walk into our creative life and own our creative expression. If we consider this from the perspective of The Cycle of Creative Flow, what may be happening is that we are getting stuck in the conception energy of the mind. We receive the inspiration of a great idea, roll it around in our mind, and maybe even manifest it physically a little bit, but we keep it to ourselves and never share it with anyone. We may start to play mind games with ourselves, our ego gives us excuses as to why it’s not ready yet, why not to share it. Usually it’ll be belittling thoughts like, “Your work isn’t polished enough,” “Your art isn’t refined enough,” “Your writing isn’t eloquent enough,” “Nobody will care,” etc. But the truth is, your soul will care. In fact, it will feel tortured in the fires of your desire until you release it and walk through the cave. At a certain point, that creative energy that is building up has to go somewhere, it has to be released. If we keep it inside ourselves, repressing our natural impulse to express, and don’t manifest it outward, it can start to become toxic. What Does Coming Out of the Cave Require? Walking out of the cave looks like creating, sharing, talking about your creative ideas to other people, anything where you are expressing the energy outward. Creative expression is called that for a reason…it has to be pushed out. By repressing our creative desires, we deny the truth of what that energy intends to be, and that’s a pain that is very hard to explain, but creatives who actively repress their impulses know it well. It’s excruciating and it ends up becoming this thing that frustrates or depresses us. Sometimes it becomes so bad, we turn to substances to numb or worse, consider suicide. Creative expression is called that for a reason…it has to be pushed out. Sometimes creatives will make art but then refuse to share their work with anyone. While it’s true that you don’t have to share it, there comes a certain point at which our hiding our gifts becomes selfish. The inspiration was given to us to first help ourselves, but then also to help others. We are the vessel with which Spirit seeks to share its creative energy with the world. Being visible is hard, being seen is hard, but being trapped in the cave, being eaten alive by the flames of your own creative desire and passion is harder. Freeing Yourself From the Cave Listen closely…you are being called to express your creative gifts. If there is something that needs to be birthed within you that you are holding in tight, release it, let it go, get it out in whatever capacity you possibly can. Creative expression is a noble and valuable thing, and when we repress our creative desires, we deny the truth of what that energy intends to be. Once it’s out, you’ll feel free, you’ll feel expansive, you’ll feel light. You won’t feel like you have an elephant sitting on your chest anymore, you won’t feel bound any longer. Spirit wants you to feel free, and the world needs you to share your creative gifts. The burning pain of the Cave of Internal Desire is a catalyst meant to push us forward through and out of the cave. Listen closely to your soul and if you feel called to express your creative gifts, release it, let it go, get it out in whatever capacity you possibly can. Want help reclaiming your creative expression? Use the FREE Heart Alignment Guide I created to get back in touch with your creative truth. You’ll also find a fiercely supportive creative community in Awakened Creators. Follow us on Instagram or watch hundreds of videos on YouTube.

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Have Everything But Still Unhappy? You Might be a Repressed Creative

by Amanda StoneCreativity, Inner Child, InspirationPosted on No Comments

For over a decade I forced myself to deny my heart’s desires and go after career goals and aspirations that had more to do with what other people wanted than what my heart did. I figured, like lots of folks do, if I just check off this list of things (house, job, education, family, etc.) I would be satisfied. But when I got there, I was still unhappy. I had a master’s degree, a full time job helping others in higher education, a custom-built suburban home, a marriage, and a child. I had everything I was told would make me happy, but I was still miserable. Symptoms of my Core Unhappiness I felt ashamed. What was wrong with me that I could have everything and still be unhappy? And when you are unfulfilled, you look for ways to “fill up”… I didn’t know what the real problem was. I just knew I was unhappy. So I drank. First a little. Then a lot. And when the liquor store worker starts to know you by first name…you have a problem. But I didn’t know what the real problem was. I just knew I was unhappy, despite having everything. After hitting my rock bottom in 2017 and nearly throwing myself off a bridge and leaving my 2-year old son and husband behind, I had a change of heart…or well..my heart had a change of me. I had trapped my heart in a prison of other people’s expectations of the “right way” of living. But what could be more wrong than denying your heart its happiness?? Understanding my True Identity as a Creative I remember like it was yesterday. The energy was immense and pink and loving. It hit me like a wave and was so overwhelmingly loving that I broke down and cried, watching as all the shattered pieces of my life were stitched together in a perfect mosaic and I saw the truth. I was creative. A very, very repressed creative. I realized I was an artist (and always had been) who was pretending to be something I wasn’t. I had trapped my heart in a prison of other people’s expectations of the “right way” of living. But what could be more wrong than denying your heart its happiness?? Thus, my creative and spiritual awakening journey began, exploding in a swirl of writing and painting combined with meditation and journaling, as all manner of authentic self expression unleashed. I didn’t realize how much repressed creativity and suppressed emotions lived in me, stemming all the way back from childhood, that just wanted to be seen and heard. The more I expressed creatively the lighter I started to feel, like layers of heavy blankets being pulled off my spirit.  Shortly thereafter, Awakened Creators was born in my mission to help others find the joy within that I did. I was tired of seeing creative souls suffering in jobs they hated, doing what they were told would make them happy (like I was) and being miserable day in and day out. I had broke free from my own prison and I was ready to help others do the same. Choosing to Live a Creative Life Instead Five years later, I am officially done with my unfulfilling 9-5 job and traveling the world full-time with my family, all while serving the creative community I love through Awakened Creators and expressing my own creativity through my writing and painting. I never thought I could be this happy! And don’t think I had some formulaic plan or strategy. In no way did I imagine things happening like they have. The Universe is so much more intelligent than I. All I knew was that creative expression was the answer and honoring it (despite how scared I was to follow my creative passion) has freed me to pursue the life of my dreams. Not to mention…doing a TON of inner work so I could do the outer work I loved. I share this raw truth about my past battle with addiction and suicide because it all led me to this moment. A moment my heart has waited all my life to feel again. Freedom. Joy. Purpose. And I believe you can make the shift as well, even if you are just at the beginning of your journey. So if you are told you have everything, but you are still unhappy, consider that you might be a repressed creative and let’s open the doorway to your heART.  You are in the right place I promise. Welcome home, Awakened Creator.

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3 Powerful Lessons Reclaiming Creativity Taught Me

by Amanda StoneCreativity, InspirationPosted on No Comments

If you would have met me back in 2017, you would think I had everything going for me. I had a partner, a child, and a good paying job. I was even going to graduate school to further my career prospects. But despite appearances, my life was a complete mess. Beneath the surface, I was an alcoholic, putting down 1.5 to 2 bottles of wine every night (a huge improvement from my former pints of vodka). When I remembered, I would take my anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication (a terrible mix with booze btw). And whenever alcohol wasn’t available, I would eat my feelings in a stomach-turning sugar binge.  All of this self-destruction and self-loathing led me to the brink of suicide for the second time in my life. That is, until my creativity stepped in to saved me. Literally. When I began to reclaim my creativity, everything changed. I found my missing piece. The piece I had denied myself for so long because I believed the lie that my creativity wasn’t important, wasn’t practical, and wasn’t needed. This is the biggest lie a creative soul could ever tell themselves! After surviving this supreme low in life, reclaiming my creativity taught me 3 powerful lessons that I’d like to share with you. My sincere hope is that by sharing my journey, you will never need to sink into the darkness, like I did, to find these truths. 1. Creative expression is necessary for some people Society likes to treat creativity like sprinkles on a cupcake. An added extra to flavor life, but something you could easily do without. My experience taught me that this isn’t true for some people. For “creative souls”, our expression of creativity is as important as breathing. It is a vital element of our well-being and should be treated as such. When we disregard our creativity as an afterthought, or relentlessly judge it, we rob ourselves of this incredible lifeforce. As seen in my story, and in many I’ve heard from other creatives, ignoring this can be a death sentence.  2. Creativity is an act of self love When we take the time and space to pursue our creativity, it sends a powerful signal to our soul that we love and appreciate what makes us happy. By accepting creativity as a real part of our identity, deserving of our attention, we give ourselves the healing gift of unconditional love. It isn’t about achieving some creative goal or level of recognition (although that is very possible as an Awakened Creator). Reclaiming your creativity is caring about yourself enough to put your own oxygen mask on first before anyone else around you. To choose your creativity is to choose to love yourself.  3. The creative journey is all about transformation Creative souls aren’t just creatively talented for the heck of it, our creativity is a divine gift. When applied properly, our creativity can transform our lives and carry us on an incredible lifelong journey of self-discovery through joy. Your creative projects (and your setbacks) are a reflection of your inner state, and with each one, you learn something powerful about yourself, about life, about…everything! Creativity is a force for deep healing, and serves as both the tool and the path. As you transform, your work becomes infused with the wisdom you’ve gained and holds the power to help others heal as well. So how did I start reclaiming my creativity? How can you start making your creativity a priority and showing yourself some love through your creative expression? Here are 3 tools that worked beautifully for me (and that I still use): 1. Shadow Journaling At Awakened Creators, we refer to self-reflective journaling as “sacred journeying”. This invaluable process allows a clearer window into the often subconscious source(s) of blockages in our creative process.  By surrendering our fears, anxieties, and rage onto the page, we not only give ourselves a safe space to feel our emotions and demonstrate powerful self-compassion, we start freeing ourselves from unhealthy attachment to and blind acceptance of false narratives that keep us stuck. I often share journal prompts on Instagram to encourage this practice and offer guidance for going deep. I recommend every creative keep a journal, and use it as often as they feel called, especially during creative blocks. 2. Meditation Meditation is a very powerful tool for learning how to quiet your inner critic and untangle old programming that is leaving you stuck. Meditation can be as simple or complex as you want it to be, so don’t feel bad starting with just a few minutes a day. As you start seeing the positive results of a meditation practice, you will actually want to do it for longer and more often. I use meditation as both a daily practice (as often as I can) and as a prescriptive medicine when I get into a funky head space. If you want help getting started, guided meditations are great because they walk you through the process step by step. I have a growing library of meditations I’ve recorded on the Awakened Creators YouTube Channel that you can check out. 3. Create (of course)! Did you actually think you could reclaim your creativity without picking up that pencil or paintbrush? Not a chance! Whatever your medium of expression, you MUST actually do it to experience the transformative power of the creative journey. I get it. It can be scary to start, especially if you’ve been repressing your creativity for years, but the rewards will be great. Yes, you will judge yourself. Yes, you will wonder what the heck to create, but taking that risk will be so worthwhile! When you are living in your joy and feeling better about your life than you ever have, you will only wish you’d started sooner! Well beautiful soul, I hope reading this helped you understand how essential reclaiming your creativity is to your well-being and given you some practical tools you can use to begin your journey.  It is …

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5 Signs You’re a Repressed Creative

by Amanda StoneCreativity, Inner Child, VideosPosted on No Comments

Are you unsatisfied with life, even though on paper everything seems like it should be fine? Does it feel like no matter what you do or try, you never seem to find that ever elusive fulfillment that you are seeking deep within? If so, you might be a repressed creative. Check in with the 5 Signs You’re a Repressed Creative outlined below and then catch my 3 solutions you can use to awaken the creator within. How do we become “repressed creatives”? Creativity comes in many forms and often times when we are younger we are more tapped into that source of creative flow, but as we age, practical things like education, bills, mortgages, and jobs take over our lives. Even if we are happy for the most part with what we have around us, we can still feel that odd pull within that somehow we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing. You may have a lot of obligations in your life that you feel keep you from expressing your desires, emotions, or dreams. It may be obligations you chose but might be ones that were given to you, or passed on through family traditions. Usually, through our lives we reach a point where we stuff the creative parts of us away, deem them unnecessary or frivolous and begin a journey into practicality and “realistic” thinking. While it may bring us financial or physical prosperity, the repressed creative will still feel unsatisfied with this abundance because it does nothing to feed its soul. Look through the following signs to see if you resonate with being a repressed creative and learn 3 ways you can unblock your creativity today and start feeling better. Sign #1 – You Were Talented/Gifted As a Child Children are naturally tuned into their creative joy and generally, adults do not steer them toward more “practical” pursuits until later in life (though there’s always an exception to the rule). As a younger person, you may have been in a special program based on your innate talents. Or perhaps you were told how creative, artistic, or unique you were growing up. Maybe you even played an instrument, wrote songs, sang, painted, wrote stories, or made short films. Fast forward to today and any trace of that part of you is all but forgotten. You may still have some memories of it lying around in a dusty box somewhere, but for the most part your life hardly resembles that of an artist, writer, filmmaker, or creative person. Which is part of the reason why… Sign #2 – You Deeply Admire Great Creators Even if you don’t create currently, you find yourself admiring highly creative people. Perhaps there is a particular screenwriter or film director whose movies you’ve watched dozens of times. Maybe there’s a musical artist that you never get tired of and you listen in awe at how deep the lyrics are or how innovate the beat is. Perhaps there is an artist whose work you would love to one day own a piece of, or an author whose written “voice” instantly transports you to another world. My father once told me, “greatness recognizes greatness.” And I firmly believe that you resonate on such a deep level with those you admire because you in fact have a similar innate talent and ability to create amazing things. You resonate on such a deep level with those you admire because you in fact have a similar innate talent and ability to create. But you don’t create. Instead… Sign #3 – You Binge Watch Creative Competition Shows You could (and perhaps do) spend hours watching creative competition shows like: Face Off, Skin Wars, Master Chef, Project Runway. If there are creative people expressing themselves, you are tuned in and curious. Your interest in these types of shows is primarily because of the same reason mentioned in Sign #2 and that is that you recognize a part of your own desires in them. Basically, when you are watching, you are living vicariously through these people. As you watch, you may start to imagine what you would create or design but quickly negate the idea with negative self-talk or other reasons why you aren’t as capable or able to accomplish such things. Which is the kind of thinking that shows… Sign #4 – You’re Secretly Jealous of Creative People Although you admire creative folks, you may find your mind turning negative and saying things like: “I could do a better job.” “I’d love to give up my job and paint full time but everyone knows that’s impossible.” “She’s only big now because she knows so-and-so.” Take it for what you will, but these negative thoughts are all limiting beliefs we have imposed on ourselves. They are lies the Ego tells us to keep us small and protected. Branching out would require us to risk getting hurt, failing, or being rejected and we are far too fragile for that right now. So instead, we watch with envy and prevent ourselves from seeing ourselves as fully capable of achieving the same success. Which is why… Sign #5 – No Level of Achievement Satisfies You This is a HUGE red flag. You may be highly accomplished in your education, career, or domestic life. On paper everything looks fine, but something deep inside you just doesn’t find fulfillment in it all. You may even feel guilty for feeling this way. I know I did. This subconscious dissatisfaction can start to manifest as addiction issues with shopping, alcohol, food, even sex and TV. You might find yourself doing everything you can to stuff down these feelings because you don’t feel like you have a way to solve them. So what can you do about it? Assuming you’ve read down this far and can see yourself clearly in the signs described above, I imagine you want to do something about this. “So I’m a repressed creative, now what?” Well, there are a couple of …

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