The Deadly Cost of Creative Repression

by Amanda StoneCreativity, InspirationPosted on No Comments

As artists at heart, we have a creative desire that burn within us, but society (and even our own families) can send us negative messages about expressing those desires that encourage us to repress our natural creative impulses. Whether well-intentioned or malicious, this repression of creative energy can be deadly, or at best lead to substance abuse, depression, or anxiety (like it did for me). To make sense of what is happening when we repress our creativity, I was shown an inspired image (which I painted) of a fire-filled cave called, The Cave of Internal Desire. The flames of this cave represent our creative energy, passionate and burning wildly. Because of external and internal pressures we sometimes get stuck in The Cave and it can start to become toxic. In this article, we’ll explore the metaphor of The Cave of Internal Desire: why we get stuck in the cave, what happens when we stay too long, and how to get out of the cave and into alignment with our creative truth. What is the Cave of Internal Desire (really)? As I meditated on The Cave of Internal Desire, I learned that at its core, The Cave is a trial that we must endure as creatives in order to reach our Truth and our authentic way of being. It’s a portal that we must pass through, but if we stay in the cave too long, we can start to burn. Why Do We Get Burnt in the Cave? We get burnt in the cave because we are never intended to stay in the cave. We usually stay there because we are afraid to leave, afraid to step out, and afraid to walk into our creative life and own our creative expression. If we consider this from the perspective of The Cycle of Creative Flow, what may be happening is that we are getting stuck in the conception energy of the mind. We receive the inspiration of a great idea, roll it around in our mind, and maybe even manifest it physically a little bit, but we keep it to ourselves and never share it with anyone. We may start to play mind games with ourselves, our ego gives us excuses as to why it’s not ready yet, why not to share it. Usually it’ll be belittling thoughts like, “Your work isn’t polished enough,” “Your art isn’t refined enough,” “Your writing isn’t eloquent enough,” “Nobody will care,” etc. But the truth is, your soul will care. In fact, it will feel tortured in the fires of your desire until you release it and walk through the cave. At a certain point, that creative energy that is building up has to go somewhere, it has to be released. If we keep it inside ourselves, repressing our natural impulse to express, and don’t manifest it outward, it can start to become toxic. What Does Coming Out of the Cave Require? Walking out of the cave looks like creating, sharing, talking about your creative ideas to other people, anything where you are expressing the energy outward. Creative expression is called that for a reason…it has to be pushed out. By repressing our creative desires, we deny the truth of what that energy intends to be, and that’s a pain that is very hard to explain, but creatives who actively repress their impulses know it well. It’s excruciating and it ends up becoming this thing that frustrates or depresses us. Sometimes it becomes so bad, we turn to substances to numb or worse, consider suicide. Creative expression is called that for a reason…it has to be pushed out. Sometimes creatives will make art but then refuse to share their work with anyone. While it’s true that you don’t have to share it, there comes a certain point at which our hiding our gifts becomes selfish. The inspiration was given to us to first help ourselves, but then also to help others. We are the vessel with which Spirit seeks to share its creative energy with the world. Being visible is hard, being seen is hard, but being trapped in the cave, being eaten alive by the flames of your own creative desire and passion is harder. Freeing Yourself From the Cave Listen closely…you are being called to express your creative gifts. If there is something that needs to be birthed within you that you are holding in tight, release it, let it go, get it out in whatever capacity you possibly can. Creative expression is a noble and valuable thing, and when we repress our creative desires, we deny the truth of what that energy intends to be. Once it’s out, you’ll feel free, you’ll feel expansive, you’ll feel light. You won’t feel like you have an elephant sitting on your chest anymore, you won’t feel bound any longer. Spirit wants you to feel free, and the world needs you to share your creative gifts. The burning pain of the Cave of Internal Desire is a catalyst meant to push us forward through and out of the cave. Listen closely to your soul and if you feel called to express your creative gifts, release it, let it go, get it out in whatever capacity you possibly can. Want help reclaiming your creative expression? Use the FREE Heart Alignment Guide I created to get back in touch with your creative truth. You’ll also find a fiercely supportive creative community in Awakened Creators. Follow us on Instagram or watch hundreds of videos on YouTube.

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Have Everything But Still Unhappy? You Might be a Repressed Creative

by Amanda StoneCreativity, Inner Child, InspirationPosted on No Comments

For over a decade I forced myself to deny my heart’s desires and go after career goals and aspirations that had more to do with what other people wanted than what my heart did. I figured, like lots of folks do, if I just check off this list of things (house, job, education, family, etc.) I would be satisfied. But when I got there, I was still unhappy. I had a master’s degree, a full time job helping others in higher education, a custom-built suburban home, a marriage, and a child. I had everything I was told would make me happy, but I was still miserable. Symptoms of my Core Unhappiness I felt ashamed. What was wrong with me that I could have everything and still be unhappy? And when you are unfulfilled, you look for ways to “fill up”… I didn’t know what the real problem was. I just knew I was unhappy. So I drank. First a little. Then a lot. And when the liquor store worker starts to know you by first name…you have a problem. But I didn’t know what the real problem was. I just knew I was unhappy, despite having everything. After hitting my rock bottom in 2017 and nearly throwing myself off a bridge and leaving my 2-year old son and husband behind, I had a change of heart…or well..my heart had a change of me. I had trapped my heart in a prison of other people’s expectations of the “right way” of living. But what could be more wrong than denying your heart its happiness?? Understanding my True Identity as a Creative I remember like it was yesterday. The energy was immense and pink and loving. It hit me like a wave and was so overwhelmingly loving that I broke down and cried, watching as all the shattered pieces of my life were stitched together in a perfect mosaic and I saw the truth. I was creative. A very, very repressed creative. I realized I was an artist (and always had been) who was pretending to be something I wasn’t. I had trapped my heart in a prison of other people’s expectations of the “right way” of living. But what could be more wrong than denying your heart its happiness?? Thus, my creative and spiritual awakening journey began, exploding in a swirl of writing and painting combined with meditation and journaling, as all manner of authentic self expression unleashed. I didn’t realize how much repressed creativity and suppressed emotions lived in me, stemming all the way back from childhood, that just wanted to be seen and heard. The more I expressed creatively the lighter I started to feel, like layers of heavy blankets being pulled off my spirit.  Shortly thereafter, Awakened Creators was born in my mission to help others find the joy within that I did. I was tired of seeing creative souls suffering in jobs they hated, doing what they were told would make them happy (like I was) and being miserable day in and day out. I had broke free from my own prison and I was ready to help others do the same. Choosing to Live a Creative Life Instead Five years later, I am officially done with my unfulfilling 9-5 job and traveling the world full-time with my family, all while serving the creative community I love through Awakened Creators and expressing my own creativity through my writing and painting. I never thought I could be this happy! And don’t think I had some formulaic plan or strategy. In no way did I imagine things happening like they have. The Universe is so much more intelligent than I. All I knew was that creative expression was the answer and honoring it (despite how scared I was to follow my creative passion) has freed me to pursue the life of my dreams. Not to mention…doing a TON of inner work so I could do the outer work I loved. I share this raw truth about my past battle with addiction and suicide because it all led me to this moment. A moment my heart has waited all my life to feel again. Freedom. Joy. Purpose. And I believe you can make the shift as well, even if you are just at the beginning of your journey. So if you are told you have everything, but you are still unhappy, consider that you might be a repressed creative and let’s open the doorway to your heART.  You are in the right place I promise. Welcome home, Awakened Creator.

3 Family Dynamics that Killed Your Creativity as a Child

by Amanda StoneCreativity, Inner ChildPosted on No Comments

A child’s capacity for creativity is unbridled. So much so that as adults, we often look to children for inspiration on how to be creative, open minded, and imaginative.  But what happens to children whose creativity is not greeted with respect or is in some way inhibited by born-into circumstances?  It is likely that those children grow up to suppress their creative impulses (often subconsciously), and carry within them the false belief that their creative talents are somehow a negative trait or simply not worthy of exploration. Decades of suppression, particularly in those who demonstrated early creative gifts, can lead to major life impediments, including depression, anxiety, or even substance abuse. Could a premature stifling of your own creative talents be the source of discomfort, low self-worth, or lack of direction in your own life? I’ve identified 3 Family Dynamics that Killed Your Creativity as a Child to help you stop blaming yourself and reclaim your gifts once and for all. Each dynamic will be balanced with practical action steps you can take to counter this negative programming and find out what you’ve been missing! Family Dynamic 1: The Anti-Creative Parent  While most parents make an effort to encourage their children to be creative, or at least allow space for it to be explored, some may not be supportive at all, and in extreme cases may even punish their children who show signs of creative talent. This may be especially true for children whose creative talents exist outside of societal gender norms or those whose parent(s) are themselves repressed creatives (envy is a key sign) or have a narcissistic personality Growing up with this family dynamic may have meant your parent disrespected your creativity, either by expecting perfection or by punishing flickers of talent. Others may have experienced an overbearing emphasis on things other than creativity such as studying, analytical skills, religion, or cleanliness, leaving little room for you to explore and expand your creative talents or learn by making mistakes.  This type of environment perpetuates the following negative programming: MY CREATIVITY HAS NO VALUE. The Antidote:  Re-parenting yourself is key! Now that you are an adult, your job is to parent yourself the way you always wished you had been. This means giving yourself the things your parent(s) did not and doing it with all the love, compassion, and tenderness that you can muster. Here are two ways to counter the programming of an Anti-Creative Parent: Give yourself time to play. Whether it is a coloring book, strumming a guitar, or playing with PlayDoh, let your inner child have all the time they need to explore things that interest them. Extra Tip: Take note of how you feel before and after your play session in a journal so you can truly see for yourself the value it has for improving your mood and lifting your spirit. Treat your creative work with the utmost respect. A critical voice is usually the voice of someone else, and if you had an Anti-Creative Parent, you are likely unconsciously repeating things you heard them (or others) tell you growing up. Set the intention before a creative session not to judge your work. Instead affirm that you are a beginner and must crawl before you walk and that is perfectly okay. Extra Tip: Proudly place your work somewhere afterwards or reward yourself for your efforts in a healthy way. It takes a lot of courage to try something for the first time (or the first time in a very long time).  Family Dynamic 2: Creative Lack Due to Childhood Poverty According to Children Incorporated, 21% of American children live below the poverty threshold, and anyone who has explored a creative pursuit knows it can be an expensive hobby. Burgeoning visual artists and musicians who did not grow up with means, or live in places where arts programs were available or properly funded, may have faced the harsh reality that their parent (even if supportive) simply could not afford to feed their creative impulses.  Growing up within this dynamic makes it hard to justify spending money on your creativity, even as an adult. Instead, creative pursuits may be viewed as impractical and frivolous, in comparison to endeavors that might yield higher financial returns like finding gainful employment or pursuing a financially lucrative education program.  This type of environment perpetuates the following negative programming: MY CREATIVITY IS A BURDEN. The Antidote:  Even if your economic circumstances have improved since childhood and you are in a position to fund your own creative efforts, you may experience great resistance to doing so. Below are couple ideas for pushing back against your past and creating an abundance of creative opportunities in your life. Artist Dates Creativity Coach Julia Cameron, describes a practice in her essential book The Artist’s Way, called Artist Dates. To do this, you will take yourself on an excursion that places emphasis on your creativity. It could be a walk through a museum, listening to live music at a local restaurant, or a visit to the library to check out books relating to your chosen creative path. Extra Tip: Artist dates are intended to be taken solo, so you can revel in the experience without needing to entertain anyone else. Be sure to give yourself plenty of time to not feel rushed.  Invest in Yourself If possible, consider dropping some money on your creative interests. It could be something as simple as a pack of crayons and a coloring book or signing up for a local writing course. Allow yourself to feel the freedom of investing in yourself and being able to make your interests a priority. Extra Tip: While there are many “free” opportunities available, the intention here is to spend money so you truly feel the weight of that investment and can start exploring your feeling of worthiness (or lack of it) related to this. Journal how it felt to make that investment in yourself. Family Dynamic 3: The Spotlight Stealing Sibling Comparison is …

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5 Signs You’re a Repressed Creative

by Amanda StoneCreativity, Inner Child, VideosPosted on No Comments

Are you unsatisfied with life, even though on paper everything seems like it should be fine? Does it feel like no matter what you do or try, you never seem to find that ever elusive fulfillment that you are seeking deep within? If so, you might be a repressed creative. Check in with the 5 Signs You’re a Repressed Creative outlined below and then catch my 3 solutions you can use to awaken the creator within. How do we become “repressed creatives”? Creativity comes in many forms and often times when we are younger we are more tapped into that source of creative flow, but as we age, practical things like education, bills, mortgages, and jobs take over our lives. Even if we are happy for the most part with what we have around us, we can still feel that odd pull within that somehow we are not doing what we are supposed to be doing. You may have a lot of obligations in your life that you feel keep you from expressing your desires, emotions, or dreams. It may be obligations you chose but might be ones that were given to you, or passed on through family traditions. Usually, through our lives we reach a point where we stuff the creative parts of us away, deem them unnecessary or frivolous and begin a journey into practicality and “realistic” thinking. While it may bring us financial or physical prosperity, the repressed creative will still feel unsatisfied with this abundance because it does nothing to feed its soul. Look through the following signs to see if you resonate with being a repressed creative and learn 3 ways you can unblock your creativity today and start feeling better. Sign #1 – You Were Talented/Gifted As a Child Children are naturally tuned into their creative joy and generally, adults do not steer them toward more “practical” pursuits until later in life (though there’s always an exception to the rule). As a younger person, you may have been in a special program based on your innate talents. Or perhaps you were told how creative, artistic, or unique you were growing up. Maybe you even played an instrument, wrote songs, sang, painted, wrote stories, or made short films. Fast forward to today and any trace of that part of you is all but forgotten. You may still have some memories of it lying around in a dusty box somewhere, but for the most part your life hardly resembles that of an artist, writer, filmmaker, or creative person. Which is part of the reason why… Sign #2 – You Deeply Admire Great Creators Even if you don’t create currently, you find yourself admiring highly creative people. Perhaps there is a particular screenwriter or film director whose movies you’ve watched dozens of times. Maybe there’s a musical artist that you never get tired of and you listen in awe at how deep the lyrics are or how innovate the beat is. Perhaps there is an artist whose work you would love to one day own a piece of, or an author whose written “voice” instantly transports you to another world. My father once told me, “greatness recognizes greatness.” And I firmly believe that you resonate on such a deep level with those you admire because you in fact have a similar innate talent and ability to create amazing things. You resonate on such a deep level with those you admire because you in fact have a similar innate talent and ability to create. But you don’t create. Instead… Sign #3 – You Binge Watch Creative Competition Shows You could (and perhaps do) spend hours watching creative competition shows like: Face Off, Skin Wars, Master Chef, Project Runway. If there are creative people expressing themselves, you are tuned in and curious. Your interest in these types of shows is primarily because of the same reason mentioned in Sign #2 and that is that you recognize a part of your own desires in them. Basically, when you are watching, you are living vicariously through these people. As you watch, you may start to imagine what you would create or design but quickly negate the idea with negative self-talk or other reasons why you aren’t as capable or able to accomplish such things. Which is the kind of thinking that shows… Sign #4 – You’re Secretly Jealous of Creative People Although you admire creative folks, you may find your mind turning negative and saying things like: “I could do a better job.” “I’d love to give up my job and paint full time but everyone knows that’s impossible.” “She’s only big now because she knows so-and-so.” Take it for what you will, but these negative thoughts are all limiting beliefs we have imposed on ourselves. They are lies the Ego tells us to keep us small and protected. Branching out would require us to risk getting hurt, failing, or being rejected and we are far too fragile for that right now. So instead, we watch with envy and prevent ourselves from seeing ourselves as fully capable of achieving the same success. Which is why… Sign #5 – No Level of Achievement Satisfies You This is a HUGE red flag. You may be highly accomplished in your education, career, or domestic life. On paper everything looks fine, but something deep inside you just doesn’t find fulfillment in it all. You may even feel guilty for feeling this way. I know I did. This subconscious dissatisfaction can start to manifest as addiction issues with shopping, alcohol, food, even sex and TV. You might find yourself doing everything you can to stuff down these feelings because you don’t feel like you have a way to solve them. So what can you do about it? Assuming you’ve read down this far and can see yourself clearly in the signs described above, I imagine you want to do something about this. “So I’m a repressed creative, now what?” Well, there are a couple of …

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